Ok, so when I first bought 50 shades of Grey and 50 Shades Darker (2 for £8 in a large supermarket store) I took to twitter, as I do with
most things, to let my followers know. Now, this received mixed response: one
was to suggest it was an unhealthy choice of literature and the next to ask me
to blog my views- both were youth workers.
It follows, that this blog post was born, admittedly a good
few months after I finished the series (sorry!) But just a heads up, this is
not a literary review; it’s a look at it from my youth work perspective.
Moreover, it’s my view and I don’t pretend to know it all. Please feel free to
disagree.
Right, first off... I don’t believe anything is inheriently “unhealthy”
as it’s read. People have had arguments similar for Harry Potter and the
DaVinci Code and even reading other religious books. I totally disagree, I did
not go into reading 50 shades of Grey with the intention of modelling my life
on it. In fact, knowing that I’d be writing a blog afterward made me challenge
a lot of it.
For starters, there is a story in there, amongst the crazy
amounts of sex talk... in fact, it got to a point where to be honest, the sex
stuff got a bit boring and I just wanted to get on with the story.
Moreover, for those of you wondering; 50 Shades of Grey is
twilight with sex instead of vampires. The critique is true. I suspect a lot of
young girls have read twilight and in fact, I know that too many young people
are searching for their “Edward” or their “Jacob”... I don’t think “Mr Grey” is
any different in this sense, except, grown women are also searching for their
own Mr Grey! This is unhealthy in itself
and something that really needs to be challenged. In fact, the entire notion that a guy can fix
things needs to be challenged, because we’re still living in a Disney society
which says Prince Charming will save you from 100 years sleep/evil watch/white
tower/dragon (delete where necessary) and make it allllllllll better. No, just
no!
Ok let’s cut to the chase, if we’re honest, young people are
bombarded with sex. It takes one look at certain magazines or tabloids to know
that they are bombarded with it, take also into account facebook, twitter (i
mean, seriously.. someone I followed once posted a picture of their penis (?!)
cue the unfollow button) , the internet as a whole and we’re faced with an
epidemic. So, even if 50 shades of Grey didn't exist, then they’d still be
learning/reading about sex.
Does that necessarily mean their education should come from
this series? Absolutely not! Some of the
sex and sexual acts in the book are quite honestly not healthy and the sense of
guilt and shame that Ana feels sometimes after them tragically mirrors how some
young people feel about sex and sexual acts, and that’s so not ok.
And also, the description of plain, ordinary sex as “vanilla
sex” in an almost derogatory term, is crap. Sex does not have to be kinky to be
good and the idea that “vanilla sex” is bad is not something we want young
people believing either.
And yes, there are aspects of domination, especially at
moments when Mr Grey is so consumed by lust that he actually isn't able to see
past that and again, not something I’d want anyone to experience.
So ultimately, 50 shades of Grey is not a sexual manual, nor
should it be! If we want our young
people to know about what a healthy relationship and even more so, a healthy,
happy, guilt free and respectful sex life, then we need to start talking about
it, with them!
Recently, I watched an experience, though not trained youth
worker lay down some basic ground rules for a residential. He was pretty clear
cut about no alcohol and no drugs on site, but suddenly, when sex came into the
factor, it all got a bit cringey. It was skirted round in a: “so erm.. no guys
in girls room and erm... vice versa, if you get my drift.. ermm.... “and
petering off into the distance. What is that about??
I do not want young men believing its ok to sexually dominate
a girl. Or a girl growing up believing that a rich guy with good looks and
money will solve everything. Or any of them believing that only sex like in a
porn movie is good enough. It’s not ok. So for goodness sake, can we please
start talking about sex? Can we start
modelling healthy relationships in our own lives? And can we please challenge
young people’s perceptions of sex and relationships- whether in a Church or
secular setting,
It’s really that simple.
Opinions are all my own, please feel free to comment or tweet. - @lmgeorge92