Monday 19 November 2012

50 Shades of Grey- The Youth Work blog post


Ok, so when I first bought 50 shades of Grey and 50 Shades Darker (2 for £8 in a large supermarket store) I took to twitter, as I do with most things, to let my followers know. Now, this received mixed response: one was to suggest it was an unhealthy choice of literature and the next to ask me to blog my views- both were youth workers.

It follows, that this blog post was born, admittedly a good few months after I finished the series (sorry!) But just a heads up, this is not a literary review; it’s a look at it from my youth work perspective. Moreover, it’s my view and I don’t pretend to know it all. Please feel free to disagree.

Right, first off... I don’t believe anything is inheriently “unhealthy” as it’s read. People have had arguments similar for Harry Potter and the DaVinci Code and even reading other religious books. I totally disagree, I did not go into reading 50 shades of Grey with the intention of modelling my life on it. In fact, knowing that I’d be writing a blog afterward made me challenge a lot of it.

For starters, there is a story in there, amongst the crazy amounts of sex talk... in fact, it got to a point where to be honest, the sex stuff got a bit boring and I just wanted to get on with the story.

Moreover, for those of you wondering; 50 Shades of Grey is twilight with sex instead of vampires. The critique is true. I suspect a lot of young girls have read twilight and in fact, I know that too many young people are searching for their “Edward” or their “Jacob”... I don’t think “Mr Grey” is any different in this sense, except, grown women are also searching for their own Mr Grey!  This is unhealthy in itself and something that really needs to be challenged.  In fact, the entire notion that a guy can fix things needs to be challenged, because we’re still living in a Disney society which says Prince Charming will save you from 100 years sleep/evil watch/white tower/dragon (delete where necessary) and make it allllllllll better. No, just no!
Ok let’s cut to the chase, if we’re honest, young people are bombarded with sex. It takes one look at certain magazines or tabloids to know that they are bombarded with it, take also into account facebook, twitter (i mean, seriously.. someone I followed once posted a picture of their penis (?!) cue the unfollow button) , the internet as a whole and we’re faced with an epidemic. So, even if 50 shades of Grey didn't exist, then they’d still be learning/reading about sex.

Does that necessarily mean their education should come from this series? Absolutely not!  Some of the sex and sexual acts in the book are quite honestly not healthy and the sense of guilt and shame that Ana feels sometimes after them tragically mirrors how some young people feel about sex and sexual acts, and that’s so not ok.  

And also, the description of plain, ordinary sex as “vanilla sex” in an almost derogatory term, is crap. Sex does not have to be kinky to be good and the idea that “vanilla sex” is bad is not something we want young people believing either.

And yes, there are aspects of domination, especially at moments when Mr Grey is so consumed by lust that he actually isn't able to see past that and again, not something I’d want anyone to experience.
So ultimately, 50 shades of Grey is not a sexual manual, nor should it be!  If we want our young people to know about what a healthy relationship and even more so, a healthy, happy, guilt free and respectful sex life, then we need to start talking about it, with them!

Recently, I watched an experience, though not trained youth worker lay down some basic ground rules for a residential. He was pretty clear cut about no alcohol and no drugs on site, but suddenly, when sex came into the factor, it all got a bit cringey. It was skirted round in a: “so erm.. no guys in girls room and erm... vice versa, if you get my drift.. ermm.... “and petering off into the distance. What is that about??

I do not want young men believing its ok to sexually dominate a girl. Or a girl growing up believing that a rich guy with good looks and money will solve everything. Or any of them believing that only sex like in a porn movie is good enough. It’s not ok. So for goodness sake, can we please start talking about sex?  Can we start modelling healthy relationships in our own lives? And can we please challenge young people’s perceptions of sex and relationships- whether in a Church or secular setting,
It’s really that simple.

Opinions are all my own, please feel free to comment or tweet. - @lmgeorge92

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